Collision Course, My Ass

I keep seeing these headlines talking about Bush being on a collision course with Congress. As Buttercup would say, "Whatever." The mutherfucker needs to have had fewer collision courses with brick walls when he was a young tyke. Obviously, it's made him a fucking 'tard.

I was watching CNN this morning when it dawned on me what a fucking disappointment he must be for his daddy. I bet his daddy even regrets squirting in his mama that night he was conceived in the traditional missionary style favored by 10 out of 10 WASPS. I bet he wishes he had just pulled out and gave her a real pearl necklace instead. Or better yet, maybe he should have been around more when Junior was growing up. Then maybe the little asshole wouldn't have such serious dick size issues. He'd know it's okay for a Caucasian man to have a small pecker and wouldn't have to go around headbutting his frat brothers and invading sovereign nations.

Then there's the whole daddy issue thing rearing its ugly head in the sneering face of Unca' Dick Cheney's face. (Quick! Someone inform Burgess Meredith's ghost so he can sue the piss poor excuse of a VP for ripping off his trademarked sneer.) I guess Dubya really wanted to get back at daddy dear by choosing the one asshole who hated his daddy most to listen to. Jesus. I have heard of Oedipal Complex issues but this one takes the cake. And just for the record, judging from the size of mama's knockers and Laura's too, he'd be what my best friend from law school would call a titty baby. Freak....

Anyhow, back to the collision couse shit... Nancy Pelosi and Company have his number and good 'ole Chuck Hagel is pressing redial. Speaking of Chuck, he's a major tool. No doubt about it, but he makes for good soundbites. His line about his fellow senators playing it safe and keeping their mouths and opinions to themselves on Iraq should be selling shoes is freaking priceless.

Pelosi is most awesome and I cannot wait to see the Senate step up and be what the House is becoming which is uber responsible and progressive in all the right ways. It's so nice after the do nothing Congress of yesteryear. I hope she calls his bluff and cuts off his funding. Maybe not specifically for the troops but certainly for the all the bullshit "reconstruction" pork barrel. Maybe they could cut off his Secret Service funding? He's such a chickenshit, he'd fold just to have an armed guard protect his tiny, shrivelled up pecker. And he's stooopid. He's forgotten the first rule of politics, if you're gonna challenge someone to a duel, you better have some bullets and you better shoot straight. He's got no political capital and no credibility.

He's fucked.

Hodge Podge

Things have been super busy at home and work, so I haven’t gotten to post new stuff as often as I would like. Still, there has been a bunch of mumbo jumbo floating around in my head.

1. The best reality show in the land is “Rob & Big” on MTV2. It stars a white professional skateboarder and his best friend and security guy who happens to be a gigantic black guy. They get up to funny stuff with their odd assortment of friends and their skateboarding bulldog named Meaty. In each thirty minute episode, they do more for race relations and manly friendship than one hundred “I Have a Dream” speeches and a ‘Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid” marathon combined. Great stuff. Check it out.

2. Scooter Libby must know a pardon is not in the works because he’s sure throwin’ Karl Rove and company under the proverbial bus. Good stuff. Checkout Firedoglake.com for a running live commentary directly from the trial. The FDL folks got press credentials and have a lot of legal and political knowledge which makes it more interesting than the mothballed crap trotted out by the mainstream press.

3. Chris Moore is still the funniest author in the land.

4. Chantix is the best anti-smoking medication on the market. Pfirst Pfizer puts out Viagra and now they take away our post sex smoke. Counter-intuitive, huh?

5. Bush still sucks. The only person who may suck more would be Joe Lieberman. Here’s a giant “FUCK YOU” to the voters in Connecticut. You guys are fucking tools.

6. McCain is a moron. He’s pushing for escalation in Iraq. Screw this “surge” bullshit. It’s an escalation in troops. It’s an escalation in hostilities and frankly just a bunch of empty posturing towards Iran. When will these fuckwad hawks get the message that the US’s military is not in shape to run an occupation with guerilla warfare in Iraq and build up towards bombing the shit out of Iran while dealing with North Korea’s crap? And when will we get an honest response about China’s move to boldly go where no one has gone before? Shooting down satellites in space with missiles in space? That sounds a wee bit more serious than all the bullshit chest thumping going on elsewhere. do any of these assholes have a dick at all?

7. We need serious medical industry reform. The pricks in DC need to get their hand out of Big Pharma and the medical and insurance lobbyists’ pockets…

8. There is a trend in young women to be bi or lesbian. And they act like sexual predators. Okay. Without the roofies. But still, it’s a bit disconcerting. I thought women were supposed to hit their sexual peak and be large in charge starting in their 30’s not their teens and 20’s.

9. “Ugly Betty” is funny as hell and very well-made. Congrats to America Ferrer and the whole cast and staff.

10. Ilene Chaiken’s ‘The L Word” is a waste of television bandwidth. The first season was awesome and now the rest of it has been a big letdown.

11. Snow days can suck or they can be full of warm gooey food and lots of cuddling with large, gassy Boston Terriers.

12. The Killers are a great fucking band and “Sam’s Town” is the best album I’ve listened to in the last three years right up there with Green Day’s “American Idiot” and the Dixie Chicks’ “Taking the Long Way.” And their videos are neater than hell.

13. Corrine Bailey or whatever her name is (I think I missed one in there somewhere) might be a sweet girl, but she’s overrated. She’s this year’s Nora Jones who by the way has a new album out that leaves a lot to be desired…

14. At this point, the Democratic race is between Edwards and Clinton. Obama is a flash in the pan. And he has weird lips. They’re like mauve or something. He says lot of nice things, but he hasn’t the experience at this point. He reminds me of this guy named Chad from my freshman year at college- a bit premature.

Talk About Smart Moves

So there's this cracker asshole (sorry to all the crackers this causes public torment for) who's making a big to-do about the new Muslim member of the House, named Ellison being sworn in with a Koran. I say big fucking deal. The swearing in is ceremonial and the guy's entitled to his religion even if it does make bacon off limits (but bacon is goooooood).

Anyhow, Ellison has been awfully classy about the whole thing and in a political move straight out of Compton just broke it off in the guy's ass. He's using Thomas freakin' Jefferson's copy of the Koran.

Fucking righteously sweet.