July 03, 2007

Faggotty Ass Fucking Faggot Cocksucking Asshole Mutherfuckers

July 02, 2007

Wow. The Media Really Does Have It's Head Up Its Ass

I haven't regularly posted in roughly six months. There are a lot of reasons for it. Drinking, working, too many things that would just be completely trite to write about, my diligent search for inner peace.... But it doesn't matter because I'm back in and I have shit to say. So stand back while I spew forth the wisdom that is The Raving Badger.

1. Elizabeth Edwards vs. Anthrax Coulter- So I saw the Hardball episode wherein Elizabeth Edwards phoned in her more than civil request for that Adam-appled skank to lay off her dead son and stop insisting the College Rethuglican fringe from killing her hubby. I've also read and seen a lot of pundits comment on why the whole showdown went down. THEY'RE ALL WRONG. This isn't just a case of Standbyyermanitis. It's a serious ploy by the Edwards campaign to accomplish two things:

a. Get rid of any ghost of John Kerry's fumbling of the Swiftboating he took up his ass when he didn't even so much as fight back; instead, choosing to listen to some namby-pamby advisers who couldn't win $10 at the Elk's Lodge Wednesday night bingo tourney. By association, Edwards became a pussy right up there with accused Franco-phile, Kerry. How better to wash that pink right out of his $400 hair cut coif than to do battle with an easy (and I do mean easy..wink wink...) target like Coulter. I almost feel sorry for Anthrax. Part of me realizes she is trying to be funny in that way only lobotomized wannabe WASP's understand, but another part of me realizes she's just a sad excuse for a walking stick exoskeleton.

b. The other and most important reason is to take away Obama's oomph when it comes to issues of political civility. Obama talks the talk, but he doesn't walk the walk. The eerily mauve lipped mutherfucker leaked the $400 haircut story on Edwards and has been mud slinging (although surreptitiously) at Clinton for almost a year now. Obama is a man-made creation of the Illinois political world. He spent 8 years as a state rep who had few balls to do anything and as a liberal Democrat only voted present on abortion issues because he didn't want the vote following him. He may be a political pragmatist, but he's just as dirty as the rest of them. The only leg up he has a presidential candidate is that he is a new player with a nice and tidy book wherein he pretends he doesn't like to play dirty. My ass. You don't get elected in the Chicago area unless you're a scrapper. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with being a scrapper, but don't pretend you're all bright and shiny when you're just as muddied up as anyone else. Edwards realizes that and has used his best asset- a smart, vivacious, mother of 4 who is publicly and bravely fighting an inoperable cancer. She is more bulletproof than the 9-11 widows Coulter attacked. She is also smarter than Coulter because she kept the message on how the Coutlers of world make the political arena a mean place that turns off the decent folks who would otherwise vote. Ah, the audacity of hope..... Seriously, Edwards now owns the message and his fundraising efforts are just an extra feather in his cap.

2. Tony Blair's Giant Fuck You to Brown- Come on. Anyone else think it's not a co-inki-dink that these London and Glasgow attacks are happening just as Brown becomes Prime Minister? The briefer admitted this morning on Paisley that they had the suspects under investigation for some time prior to the attacks this past week. Hmmm. Seeing how the UK has become one of the most heavily fortified places in the world with cameras everywhere making picking a booger without detection impossible, how did these dumbasses pull off what little they did? And why did the US, who had the Intel ahead of time about an impending Glasgow attack, not share it? Hmmm. Might it have something to do with Blair hated Brown but has his head shoved so far up Bush's ass that Bush, who owes him more than a few reach arounds, didn't pass the info along just so Brown looks like an incompetent asshole in his first week on the job???

3. Barry Bonds Deserves to be in the All Star Game- I could care less if Bonds wants to shrink his nads to the size of extra tiny La Soeur peas. The fucker can hit the ball. He may not be able to squirt, but he can hit the ball and he's a good fielder. As much as I like Keith Olberman, I disagree with him on a hatred of Bonds. Hank Aaron and the guys of his era (and even prior) all had their form of performance enhancing drugs, techniques, etc.. The Association didn't regulate well back then but the guys still looked for whatever edge they could to hit the shit out of the ball or run faster or grow giant monkey hands with which to catch the ball. It's human nature to be competitive. It's also part of the business of competitive sports. The owners expect it because the fans expect it. Stallone knew that when he wrote Drako's part in Rocky IV. Fans like the outcome- spectacular wins and amazing feats of athleticism, they just don't want to know at what cost those things happen. So long as they can pretend the guy's chest isn't 3x it's original size 5 years ago and can pawn it off on what great trainers Team X has, then they don't give a shit. Just because there's a better than even chance the guy shot up in his ass doesn't mean they now get to boo him. He did it because it was expected- by them and our whole damn culture. Oh, well. Get over it and just realize your balls are bigger than his, but the MF can still hit, run and throw.

4. Paris Hilton Got Fucked- And like last time, this was on camera, too. The judge screwed her. There is no doubt given the normal sentence given others in her similar circumstance. And this is just a powerplay between Sauer, the DA, the Sheriff and a few others who want the Sheriff's job. They should have just left the girl alone and not used her for their petty bullshit.

5. Everyone Should Have A Stripper For Their Birthday At Least Once- Strippers make people happy. They can feign embarrassment but when you're on stage getting your ass spanked by a mostly nekkid guy or gal, under that pale red of your well-intentioned/mannered blush, you are secretly saying "Oh, yeah!" Besides, birthday parties tend to suck. No one wants to be there and even the birthday boy or gal is bitching and moaning about getting older and how their life is ending. Whatthefuckever. Strippers make it better.

6. Rupert Murdoch Is A Piece of Shit- But, hey, we already knew that.