If This Is A Joke, It's Well Done

I saw a report on the evening news Friday night about the XXXChurch passing out "Jesus Loves Porn Stars" bibles at an adult entertainment convention. I checked out the website 'cos I wanted the T-shirt. Sho' 'nuff the damn site looks real.

But the best thing of all is following the link to "Porn Sunday." And no, it's not a special Sunday set aside for all anal or DP. It's an anti-porn day. This year it will be held October 9th and there are media kits available. Well, you guys know me....I checked out what was listed in the kit and found a reference to the movie that these guys want you to show to your congregation. What's it called???

Wait.....


Wait....


Wait for it....


Be patient....



"MISSIONARY POSITIONS"

bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

To Those Here From the DA's Debate

I didn't invite you. You don't have the right to say shit about my blog. It's my place to vent so I don't kill dumbass mutherfuckers like yourselves who piss me off with their pussy ass whiny ways.

And, yes, this DOES MEAN YOU.

*kisses*

The Raving Badger

Open Letter to the President of NBC (and other dumbasses who run networks)

Dear Whatever the Fuck Your Name Is:

Are you an idiot? Or do you not have the balls to fire your programming staff????

There is no reason to keep those idiots on board at NBC (or insert other network here). They don't know what the hell they're doing.

Cable TV rocks. The comedies are funny, the dramas well done and the stories keep viewers coming back. Why can't you guys do that? Is this a case of self sabotage? Or do you just have stock in cable networks and providers?

Here's what I see as wrong with network programming:

Viewers can't rely upon a show to be in the same place on the schedule season-to-season let alone week-to-week. I should be able to count on Las Vegas being on at the same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel. When you put it on hiatus, or pre-empt it with fucking douchebag Winter Olympics you make your devoted viewers ask themselves why they should care about a show when its hosting network doesn't give a shit about it?

I don't have time to keep following a show around. I have a schedule that I stick to. Hell, I've been a Nielsen family. My opinion counts in the 28-35 year old, white, educated, childless demographic. I have lots of time and money to devote to things I enjoy and if I choose to watch TV its because I enjoy it. I 've picked out shows that I like and I have (for good or bad) invested myself emotionally in the characters and plot. Watching those shows is no different from calling my mother to update her on my dog's dumps. If my mother changes her number, I stop calling her. Capeesh??? Stop fucking with Scrubs. It's the best damn thing you guys have. If you move it one more time, I'm telling your wife about that thing you like to do with a bar of soap and a can of Lemon Pledge.

Your programming staff doesn't know how to pick its own nose. Why do they put stupid ass shows like "Joey" on when there has to be a better product out there? For chrissakes, Joey was the uninteresting one on Friends. I know you guys at NBC miss Friends because it was such a cash cow, but WTF? You even stuck with it for a season and a half in spite of the fact viewers hated it. WHY???? I know you want to get the young, hip demographic to stay but let's face it- Friends was over long before it was over. I'm part of the demographic you did so well with during its heyday, but even I stopped watching about 2 seasons before it ended. It was the same tired shit week in, week out. I liked the characters okay and did tune in for a good portion of the last season, but honestly, my heart wasn't in it. You guys milked it for all it was worth and then you had to do "Joey." Your programming staff is full of unimaginative lazy fucking bums. Are they all over 50 with bad combovers and Sansabelt Slacks??? Shirt sleeves and wide striped ties??? Have they heard of T-shirt hell or blogging or been to a concert other something by Lawrence Welk in 15 years? Fire them. Get some youngsters in there who don't think reality shows rock and that the Rolling Stones are still able to get a stiffie without Viagra. You need some smart, hip kids with mortgages and senses of humor. Think Jon Stewart with a pair of sour apple Chuck Taylors and a matching iPod.


Your programming staff needs Neuticle transplants. I had my dog neutered. Broke my heart. My husband thought I was going overbboard when I suggested we might look into Neuticles for our big boy. I thought he might like it in case the other dogs wondered if he were a pussy bitch. From the looks of your programming line-up, your staff either needs testosterone shots or Neuticle implants.

Your choice.

I call your staff pussy bitches because their programming choices aren't fun, creative, imaginative or even slightly out there. One of the best shows I have seen is "So NoTorious." Now, I know.... it stars Tori Spelling, but it is genius. She knows what people think of her and is capitalizing on it with big laughs at herself and her folks. Good for her. It takes balls to put yourself at risk of public ridicule. It takes bigger balls to make us pay to ridicule you when we can do it for free. Good for her. She' doesn't need Neuticles.

I'll write you soon with some more criticisms about how NBC is doing. I think the John Lithgow comedy next fall is a good start, but not enough yet. And I suspect the Baldwin/Fey show will rot quickly.

Anyhow, toodles.

The Raving Badger

When You've Got A Lot of Time on Your Hands...

You think a whole lot. Since my injury, I've had a lot of time. So here's what has been on my mind: What the hell is wrong with Americans?

My answer: The current education system doesn't teach people to think for themselves, and therefore, question authority.

It's pretty simple actually. When you go to school, pre-school on up thru high school, the system is designed to pour as much stuff into your head so you can pass a battery of tests. Algebra, chemistry, English lit., typing... But the first, they have to teach you the real basics: sitting Indian style in neat little rows, how to play Heads-Up-Seven-Up, how to raise your hand before speaking, the Pledge, getting a bathroom pass before taking off for the shitter... I think you get the drift. It's an indoctrination of sorts. Don't speak unless the guy in charge lets you. Do what you're told. Questions aren't allowed unless the guy in charge says he'll take questions.

It seems harmless enough, but in the end it creates dull, homogenized folks who don't question authority, and don't ever wonder if 2+2 really equals 4. They accept what they read and hear as the absolute gospel. Maybe that's why I take it so personally when journalists abdicate their responsibilities.

I remember my first English class in college. We had a football player in our class. He was assigned to our critique group for an assignment. When I read his essay, I nearly fell out. This guy could barely spell his own name, and forget about a thesis statement. He had no clue. That was my first wake-up call that people were stupid. It wasn't my last. By the time I got out of law school, I was forced to acknowledge that most people just regurgitate information spoonfed to them. I had to relearn my study habits along the way because I had the same training they did. I never looked further in my subject of the moment. I just memorized what I needed for a test. Thankfully, the way I think has become more complex out of sheer will and a little necessity, but that's not so for other people.

They see something once in a soundbite type shot on the news and it's stuck in their head for eternity. They make death threats against musicians for recording songs questioning our government. Why? Because the indoctrination stuck. Making fun of the teacher or upsetting class might end up with detention for everyone. The prospect of not having someone or something dictate their thoughts and beliefs is scary since they may have to be responsble for themselves. It's easier to leave it someone else. Then if things don't go well it's his or her fault. hence- attorneys and why we're so hated.

In a nutshell: Stupid people fear responsiblity and shy away from it at all costs. Those who can be stupid on occasion try their best to avoid it but deal with it when it comes along. Smart people hire someone else to deal with it or create products for everyone else to use in avoiding responsibility.

I wish I had invented the TV.......