Funerals and Other Blatherings

This is a post I started back at the first week of February. Sorry it took me this long to finish.

Most funerals suck. No one likes going to them and most people will rationalize a non-appearance. Today's event was no different except- it didn't suck.

I mean sure it sucked. Our friend is dead and no matter what Father O'Toole said, he ain't coming back. Shame. Life will be a lot less colorful with him gone. But, all in all, I had a good experience just enjoying see who came out to support the living left behind.

It was sorta weird for me. It was the first funeral I went to since coming out of the Atheist closet. What made it weird was being able to sit through a Catholic funeral with all the obejectivism of Marie Curie looking through a microscope. There was no anger. No sadness. Just a quiet understanding by me that religion no matter how joyous some may profess to be by adhering to it is rooted in fear of death of loss of loved ones. Or fear of one's own death. Yeah, I think that's mostly it.

Thing is I don't have any fear of an afterlife good or bad. I do fear not living my life as well as I can. Unfortunately, I don't think most people feel or think the same way.

There are people who are just schmucks. They treat everyone badly. Then there are those who would commit suicide. Maybe they're tired. Maybe they're just outwitted by life's unfortunate circumstances. Honestly, I can't blame all of them.

Now that statement isn't an endorsement of offing oneself. Far from it, but I do understand that sense of hopeless we all will encounter at some point or another in our lives. What I don't get is the people who have low threshholds of tolerance for pain. You know, the ones who off themselves because they were not elected homecoming queen or the ones distraught over Suzie Whatsherace not liking them back. To them, I say: whatever. I say the same to the folks who slowly kill themselves day in and day out by abusing themselves and those around them. Years of eating like shit and pumping your veins full of toxins counts goes in that category. Self-hatred is a powerful emotion, but so is a survival instinct.

I should know. I have spent my whole life surviving. Once, I was even hit by a police car going at high speeds. I was on my 10 speed bike. They hit me. I still remember the whole slow motion scene in my head. I can replay it at will. Fast forward. Rewind. Pause. I still remember the pause. I paused briefly when pushing down the pedal. My finer senses heard the car (which had no lights or sirens in a dark road) and for whatever reason made me pause just that brief instant. Like I was pushing down harder to gain more momentum. Instead, it slowed me that one millisecond it took to save my life from the wheels that were merely inches from my head as I hit the pavement on my left side. I remember the impact. My hip, Then my side. Then my shoulder. Then my head. And my life was saved. I walked away with just a few bruises and a back outta whack. But I was alive. And it didn't take Jesus to do it.

Maybe it's because of that that I don't get people who have no survival instinct. They don't possess some inner need to live. And it maddens me to no end to be constantly forced into some scapegoat position with them when I encounter them. The emotional blackmail that they people generate is plainly criminal. They should get holed up in some prison for every utterance along the lines of "If you don't _____, then I will _____." Fuck them. In. The. Ass.

Anyhow, back to non-appearances- life is like a funeral. You either show up, or you don't. Some will suck, some will be moderately tolerable. But sometimes, they'll be slightly enlightening and you find a bit of peace. Where ever Brodie is, I hope he has found some peace. At least with respect to religion and my former hatred of it, I have. And it's all because I recognize I don't stink of fear like those people in those pews that day.

.....At least not the fears they have. Mine are wholly my own and cannot be remedied by a once a week trip to an alter.

Is The World A Sears Store? Because It Sure Is Full of Tools

I have been storing up some of this week's anger at the headlines and now feel like I should let loose. Here are a few things floating around in my head:

1. The dickhead at the Pentagon who threatened lawyers representing Guanatamo detainees has resigned. To steal a line from Green Day: good riddance. The mutherfucker ought have his bar card yanked and then be reamed by a big bear with a 14" pecker as big around as a can of pork-n-beans. No lube either.

There is never an excuse for human rights violations or shitting on our Constitution. If the mutherfucker were a real patriot, he'd know that. He'd support their efforts whole-heartedly. Shit. He'd do the right thing and make sure those detainees weren't tortured, but that be expecting a tad too much from the Republiprick.

2. I'm sick of the celebutards. I don't care who's in rehab, who's wearing panties (or not in most cases), who's passing out, crashing cars, getting charged with something or other or moving to NOLA. Hey, media moguls: Leave them alone and give us some real news. There are people in desperate situations, and science makes some cool discoveries from time to time. WTF people? Work with me here...

3. The Hubble telescope's main camera quit working. Boo. Fucking. Hoo. I'll miss the pretty pictures, too, but honestly, part of me thinks space exploration just encourages the fuckatrds to missile up space. Who wants that? The Chinese shot down a satellite last week and no one's saying a GD word (see No. 2). And then there was another "Star Wars" missile defense test this week. I'm starting to think the Chinese aren't so dumb even though they don't know what the fuck rubbers are. I'd want a system of my own as long as Darth Cheney still roams the Earth like some great undead demon.

4. Mary Cheney deserved the assfucking she got from Dan Savage and then some. Her response to media inquiries about her hypocrisy about gay marriage and adoption was bullshit. She fucking brought it on herself. She encouraged the right wingnuts in their zealous hatred of all things lavender mafia and now, as a lesbian mom-to-be, she suddenly gets it: that it's not okay to fuck with people's families for political gain. Fuck her and the Log Cabin Republicans, too. They should all have their Pottery Barn cards and Softball Hall of Fame season passes permanently yanked.

5. Joe Biden is a putz, but he's not a racist putz. And the reporter who wrote up that quote needs to learn a thing or two about punctuation. It sure makes a difference, fuckwads. And for any of the talking heads out there: do any of you seriously consider the candidacy of Carol Mosely-Braun or Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton mainstream? If you say "yes," you're a goddamn liar. I don't believe 3% or less of the vote calculates to "mainstream." Do you?

6. The world lost a good guy this last week. Phillip Michael Brodie. His death will be felt by many folks I know. Here's toasting him with a "Hello, Princess" and a pint of Guiness.