February 02, 2007

Is The World A Sears Store? Because It Sure Is Full of Tools

I have been storing up some of this week's anger at the headlines and now feel like I should let loose. Here are a few things floating around in my head:

1. The dickhead at the Pentagon who threatened lawyers representing Guanatamo detainees has resigned. To steal a line from Green Day: good riddance. The mutherfucker ought have his bar card yanked and then be reamed by a big bear with a 14" pecker as big around as a can of pork-n-beans. No lube either.

There is never an excuse for human rights violations or shitting on our Constitution. If the mutherfucker were a real patriot, he'd know that. He'd support their efforts whole-heartedly. Shit. He'd do the right thing and make sure those detainees weren't tortured, but that be expecting a tad too much from the Republiprick.

2. I'm sick of the celebutards. I don't care who's in rehab, who's wearing panties (or not in most cases), who's passing out, crashing cars, getting charged with something or other or moving to NOLA. Hey, media moguls: Leave them alone and give us some real news. There are people in desperate situations, and science makes some cool discoveries from time to time. WTF people? Work with me here...

3. The Hubble telescope's main camera quit working. Boo. Fucking. Hoo. I'll miss the pretty pictures, too, but honestly, part of me thinks space exploration just encourages the fuckatrds to missile up space. Who wants that? The Chinese shot down a satellite last week and no one's saying a GD word (see No. 2). And then there was another "Star Wars" missile defense test this week. I'm starting to think the Chinese aren't so dumb even though they don't know what the fuck rubbers are. I'd want a system of my own as long as Darth Cheney still roams the Earth like some great undead demon.

4. Mary Cheney deserved the assfucking she got from Dan Savage and then some. Her response to media inquiries about her hypocrisy about gay marriage and adoption was bullshit. She fucking brought it on herself. She encouraged the right wingnuts in their zealous hatred of all things lavender mafia and now, as a lesbian mom-to-be, she suddenly gets it: that it's not okay to fuck with people's families for political gain. Fuck her and the Log Cabin Republicans, too. They should all have their Pottery Barn cards and Softball Hall of Fame season passes permanently yanked.

5. Joe Biden is a putz, but he's not a racist putz. And the reporter who wrote up that quote needs to learn a thing or two about punctuation. It sure makes a difference, fuckwads. And for any of the talking heads out there: do any of you seriously consider the candidacy of Carol Mosely-Braun or Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton mainstream? If you say "yes," you're a goddamn liar. I don't believe 3% or less of the vote calculates to "mainstream." Do you?

6. The world lost a good guy this last week. Phillip Michael Brodie. His death will be felt by many folks I know. Here's toasting him with a "Hello, Princess" and a pint of Guiness.


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