May 02, 2005

Political Truisms (Or Can't They see the Writing on the Wall?)

I watch entirely too much TV on Sundays. It's my day to veg out and not have to catch up on everything I couldn't get done during the week. Part of my TV routine is the Sunday morning political shows mixed with a healthy dose of the 24 cable news variety hours. Combine that with a fair amount of reading and I have finally been able to distill a few truisms that I will pass on to any political type who may come across my blog. Thusly:

1. If you have to pay for a PR campaign to bolster your nominees' chances, chances are those nominees weren't worthy of the post to begin with.

2. Americans do really believe in a smaller government. Just so long as it is smaller in the areas that aren't important to them.

3. People really can smell bullshit. Grinning only makes matters worse.

4. As the saying goes- you are what you eat. Well, in politics, that translates into you are who you associate with.

5. The age old argument that if someone disagrees with you they should come up with a better plan is ludicrous, but, sadly, many morons will buy it.

6. Don't ever, ever, ever make a huge proclamation without something to back it up. If the job's not done, don't say it is. It only provides fodder for your critics. For eternity.

7. People only care about your sex lives under one (or more) of the following circumstances: 1) you are good looking and/or your partner is not; 2) it involves something weird like animals or inflatable sex toys, role paying, or B&D; and 3) if you are paying for it (directly or indirectly). They really care if you are Brad Pitt, she's the circus fat lady and you are allowing her to dry hump you while you are chained to a toilet wearing a pig mask and she inflates a Butt Blaster in your pasty white ass as you say "Thank you, Mommy." And you're paying her for it.

8. The idea of a Balanced Budget Amendment should not be used to just get votes. Either walk the walk or get the fuck out. People don't like huge piles of debt.

9. The use of the race card is passe, but gender is still acceptable especially in terms of defense. Think Rambo would have been so successful if he would have had a pair of D cups and scheduled a weekly mani-pedi?

10. Party branding works. Ex.- most people think the Republicans are the party of smaller government and controlled spending still. Why? Branding. That's why. So, say it often enough and people internalize it. My bologna has a first name......

Any others?


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