April 28, 2005

Why Does It Always Come Down To A Cigar?

Cigars became the "in" thing while I was in college. Then it quickly disappeared as the vice of the day thanks in part to Clinton's extracurricular activities. Of all of the salacious details to come out of the $52M joke known as Whitewater, Ken Starr could only come up with one thing to embarass the former president- he stuck a cigar in Monica lewinsky's chachi. BFD. It wasn't even a Cuban cigar (he saves those for skinny chicks who actually swallow).

Well, as luck would have it, cigars are still the in thing for bigtime D.C. fleshbags drunk on power. Time magazine (which now sucks BTW because of its intense scrutiny of Anthrax Coulter), ran a picture showing Tom DeLay in Jerusalem smoking a big, fat cigar. Thing is- it's a Cuban cigar and Tommy boy has made some pretty harsh comments about sticking money in Fidel's coffers by buying, smoking, accepting as bribes....a-hem I mean properly reported gifts- Cuban cigars.

Can we say "fucking hypocrite?"

Tommy boy is a lying, rule bending, buttmunch who not only thinks he's the government, but he's also a hypocrite which in my book (although maybe not in his lord Jesus' book) is a mortal sin. Tom DeLay has made a name for himself accusing the Dems of all the things of which he is now and forever guilty. Now--- this doesn't mean I am defending Jim Wright's actions. I'm not, nor would I defend anyone in government's abuse of power. What I am saying is don't start chucking stones when your ass has a ten foot target painted on it that says "Influence For Sale."

If I could talk to Tommy boy, I'd say the following (okay, I might hit him first just to see if he really is made of PlayDough):

"Tommy boy, the Chimpmander-In-Chief and his personal Nazi will not save your ass this time. You can talk about SS privitization all you like, but face it- your boys sent you out on a mission that will result in your political death. It's an unpopular position, people hate it and as much as they were disliking you before, now they get to associate you with something else they dislike- Bush's BS plan to fuck up SS and put us in more debt. Didn't you see that coming? You're supposed to be really smart at this shit.

If the guy really liked you, he would have sent you on a mission to..... I dunno..... lead the children's parade down Walt Disney Avenue dressed in a Dumbo costume. Oh, and he would not have sent your pale Darth Vader-esque ass out of D.C. while Hastert humped you dry on the ethics rules changes. You're not out of the limelight. You're just off the Hill while they push things through without you there to protect yourself.

Hell, maybe you know this already. But if that's the case- I have one question? Lube or no lube?"

Oh, Tommy boy. You ain't hammerin' shit from now on. You are a political lame duck and Karl Rove just fired up the grill. After the Dems have feasted on your fickle flesh, maybe they'll fire up a few cigars. Dominican, of course.


Post a Comment

<< Home