It's Just a Word. You Fucktard.

I think I have offended as many people as possible. Every known group, every race, occupation, religion, socio-economic level, etc. has been on my list at some point. It's not because I am not open-minded (because I'm not), but it's because at some level I think we all need to grow a thicker skin. The 21st century is not a kinder, gentler era no matter what Big Dog tells ya.

So I see this word I haven't seen since about the 6th grade- "fucktard." It summoned up the still fresh wounds from being a late bloomer (I didn't get to a C cup until I was 28) and the nasty game of "I Know You Are, But What Am I" we all used to play. We were bastards even as kids. And we haven't gotten any nicer.

As an attorney I get lots of well...fucktards... coming up to me saying "there ought to be a law." They want a law to diminish the risk of them feeling slighted ever again. Some one cut them off in traffic. Someone shot them the bird. Someone made a hushed nasty comment about the fact they were too fat to walk through the Wal-Mart to buy the jumbo-sized box of mac and cheese and they heard it. Someone made a movie about the crucifixion. Someone called the President a coward. Big deal. We have enough laws already. What we need is a bit of personal responsibility for our feelings.

I like words. Big words. Small words. Nasty words especially. Shout motherfucker in a bar and you get an immediate response. A hush will fall over the bar as heads will turn to see who said it and who they're about to hit. Call someone a dirty Jew and you will see the wide-eyed stares of people in complete disbelief secretly agreeing with you.

Nasty words are the ones we let slip when we hurt ourselves. Nasty words are the ones we will revert to when really angered. They are as base as we try to fool ourselves we are not. We are animals and no amount of Miss Imogene's School of Southern Charm will ever wipe out that instinct. Nasty words are also funny. Fucktard for instance makes me go bwa-ha-ha. I like it's double punch- you're a fuck and a retard. Both are such nasty words. Together a funny, nasty word.

My list of vulgar words I use often and find funny is pretty varied. I have been heard to announce that a fellow female is a cunt, a snatch, a pussy, a cooze, a slit. If it's a man- he's a fag, queer, man-pussy (I actually followed a guy around in a bar that had scammed our pool table announcing he was a man-pussy loudly. He waited out in the parking lot after close because I needed to be taught a lesson.), rump-humper, fag master, fudge-packer, ass-licker, etc.. I do so not because I am really questioning a person's hygiene or sexuality but rather because I know that that person has most likely given those words power. When they react, get uncomfortable or protest my accusation- they have, in effect, given me the power to hurt them. A power I will, of course, abuse when the mood strikes.

So when someone yells dyke, slit licker, lesbo, rug muncher, faggot, queer bait, pole smoker, moon cricket, tar baby, negra, nigger, Alabama porch monkey, kike, towel-head, doodle bug, wet-back, beaner, honkey, whitey, cracker, nip, chinc, slope, retard, liberal, pot smoking hippie, conservative, motherfucker-titty sucker-two ball bitch, etc. etc.- get over it. You have better things to do than waste your time being hurt by freaks like me.