July 27, 2005

Bob Novak Is An Opportunistic Piece of Shit

Dear Bob "Big Lips" Novak,

You are a dick. An opportunistic, traitorous, partisan fuckwit. You are not only ugly on the outside, but ugly on the inside, too.

Your outing of Ambassador Wilson's wife as a non-cover CIA agent (meaning really deep cover you prick) in the WMD sector may have cost people their lives and most certainly has compromised our nation's ability to defend itself against ACTUAL WMD threats that may exist in this fucked up world. Sadly, you did so for no other reason than to win favor of the Bushie's. That makes you an arrogant sonofabitch. And a traitor.

You were warned ahead of time not to print her name. You did so anyway and now say you didn't understand what the CIA guy was telling you. I cannot imagine you are that stoopid, but, hey, I have seen your ties and they suck as much as you do. Seriously- your ties suck and you are so totally lying about not understanding what that officer was trying to tell you.

Your livelihood has been made by your ability to see through things and find and remark upon hidden backstories. For you to not understand a wink-wink-nudge-nudge is utter bullshit. Don't expect me or any other sentient American to buy that crap.

Joe Wilson stated at a conference in Colorado over a year ago that he hoped to see Karl Rove frogmarched from the White House. Personally, as much as I want to see that, I want to see you frogmarched even more you pussy-ass-sonofabitch. If you had any balls, you would come clean with your readers, but hell, you won't. It might undermine your ability to hang out with the "cool" kids afterall.

You are a snivelling fucktool. You are a traitor and a partisan hack who has abused the readers of your home paper. See, readers count on dickheads like you to get shit right and report to us what is going on behind our backs with no spin or partisan BS. You abused that trust. Your claims of First Amendment protection are hogwash. Only real journalists should be protected. Fuckwits like you should never be protected and should always be outed as the fucktards that you are.

With all that being said, I make the following suggestions to you for steps you should take in the very near future:

1. Buy a decent tie that has been made in this century. I suggest Brooks Bros..
2. Quit with the comb over. Haven't you seen Donald Trump?
3. Pick up a copy of "The Watch Men." Read it. Memorize it. Think about your role as a journalist and ask yourself "Who watches the Watch Men?"
4. Write a column wherein you spill your guts about everything with no spin and no favoritism for that assfucker Karl Rove or his retarded boy king. At the end of the column, beg for forgiveness.
5. Get a razor blade and slit your wrists vertically. Only pussies who want to be saved do it horizontally.

I hope you got all that you slimeball, but that would assume you can read.

Sign me- the self-proclaimed president of your hate club,

The Raving Badger


Anonymous Deuce the Lawlinebacker said...

Badg - But really, how do you honestly feel about Bob Novak? :-)

12:13 AM  
Blogger The Raving Badger said...

If I were a Japanese fetish hooker, I would not shit on him for a billion yen. If I were Eugene O'Sullivan and he were a Catholic alter boy, wouldn't fuck him in the ass.......

1:09 PM  

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